Today I'm home sick. Maybe this is a good thing because the time to myself allows time for thinking and time with God. It's not a hidden secret that my heart has been hurting and hurting a lot, and lately I've had a lot of questions. Most of my questions have started with "Why?". And many of my questions I don't have answers to and I may never get answers. I'm trying to be okay with that, but it's really hard.
God knows my heart and he knows I've been struggling. He knows that I'm hurting and in pain. He also knows that I need others to support me and surround me with His love. He's done just that. In my bouts of anger with God I've felt aslmost as if he has turned His back on me. Although logically I know this is not true. God will never turn his back on me...and again more "why" questions scramble through my head. My God is a God of love...again more "whys"...and as He carries me through this time of hardship, hurting and pain, I think on the other side it's going to be okay.
I'm thankful for the family and friends that God has surrounded me with; family and friends who love Him and love me.
Thank you.
3 comments:
Sweet friend...
I've been praying, and writing you a letter. It's coming, I promise. Until then, I read this this morning right before I read your post.
As a newlywed, Darlene Deibler Rose served as a missionary in New Guinea with her husband from 1938 to 1942. Then, for four years, she was imprisoned by the Japanese during World War II and endured almost unspeakable hardships, including solitary confinement, near starvation, beatings and loss of her husband, Russell Deibler. Yet in her book, Evidence Not Seen, she wrote:
"Viewing those eight years from this far side, I marvel at the wisdom and love of our God, Who controls the curtains of the stage on which the drama of our lives is played; His hand draws aside the curtains of events only far enough for us to view one sequence at a time. Had those eight years been revealed to me in one panoramic view that misty gray January morning in 1938, would I have had the courage to board the ship? I wonder. Through the intervening years, tempestuous winds of gale force have buffeted me. Waves of tidal proportions have threatened to carry me under or dash me upon the rocks. But knowing now what I did not know those many years ago... I can thank my God for every storm that has wrecked me upon the Rock, Christ Jesus!" (pp.221-222)
May we thank Him too.
I pray that He will be your Rock. Love you!
Thank you for your honesty. I am so thankful for the short conversation we had the other day. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers so much. I love you friend.
I love you two so much. Amazing women you are...hugs. :)
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