The Past Twenty Days

(Warning: this is lengthy.)

I try to keep this updated because I know that there are a few of you that check on this weekly, if not daily. However, I've been a little preoccupied with a few other things...okay, mainly three things: my job, training for a half marathon and my healing heart.

My job. My job is wearing me out and maybe in a good way, but I'm tired. I love everything about my job, but recently it has pushed me to my max. I go back and forth on whether or not I push myself too hard, which this could be a huge part of "the wearing out", but I also am tired of the 11- and 12-year old spoiled-brat-behaviors. I try to look past this and most days I can, but the last couple of weeks have been challenging. (I'm incredibly thankful for my students that are respectful, hard learners.) I'm also tired of the pressure, the pressure coming from the district to teach "this" by a certain date, have this assessment completed within this time frame, have high achieving students, etc. I would love to know who is creating these timelines and providing/choosing the curriculum that I am to teach because I guarantee they haven't been in a classroom in 10-plus years and they have absolutely no idea what teachers are faced with and the lack of time they have available to actually teach in a given day. Grades are due in 5 days and it's "my responsibility" to pass all my students. Really? Pretty sure the last time I checked I can't "pass" my students on my own because, in all honesty, there are many students that shouldn't be passed. Teachers need that support from home and I understand that there are circumstances and I'm flexible with that, but after weeks and weeks of hearing, "I couldn't do my homework because I had basketball/soccer/band/choir all weekend", or "I didn't have time becuase we went to Mexico/Canada/insert any other country in the world", or "I spent the weekend at our ski resort cabin", I'm going crazy. I just want to scream, "THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM, YOU ARE A STUDENT FIRST!!!", but I can't. I then want to scream at the parents, but again, I can't. Please don't misunderstand me, I love my job...the past couple of weeks have just been a little exhausting.



Half marathon. This is my little piece of heaven, my outlet, my saving grace. This is what keeps me sane (and God, of course). I'm training for my second half marathon and after the first one I completed, I told myself I would never do another one because of how my body felt afterwards. However, here I am--4 weeks into my 20 week training schedule. I've been going to the gym, 6 days a week, 5:oo-6:30 a.m. for 4 weeks and totally loving it! Chad calls me crazy....I can accept crazy...I'm okay with that. I'll be the crazy-wife-teacher-5:00 a.m.-gym goer. I'm okay with that.



Healing heart. Well...this is tough. The past couple of years I'm on-off-and-on again an emotional basket case when it comes to something that I (we) would like to have so much, but just haven't been able to do so. More than anything right now I would love to have a family, a child of our own (same story, different day), but God keeps reminding me (in a not so very nice way) that it's just not our time. If only I could know when, it will be our time to be parents, for me to be a mom; however, that's not how it works and I'm trying to accept that. So, (again same story, different day) I love, with all my heart, my friends' kids. I love my friends' kids as if they were my own, even the kiddos that I only see once a week or once every couple of weeks. My heart continues to heal and more recently a huge healing has occurred, a dark hole has been closed in my heart and filled with happiness that has left me speechless. Eleven days ago I saw the miracle of a new life being brought into this world. This little miracle is named Liam and I am SO in love with him. I'm thankful for my greatest friend, Molly, who let me be a part of Liam's arrival into this world. I can't say enough how much this experience has meant to me and even though I started the day completely sad, upset, scared, angry and not wanting to be therel; I left overflowing with joy, peace, happiness, hope and more importantly, a restored heart.


So, the past couple of weeks have been physically and emotionally exhausting, but I'm alive and doing okay. Now once I get past the end of this weekend, with grades being due on Monday, I will be flying high!