When I was younger I wanted to be a pediatrician, but then I realized the math that was involved and opted out of that life decision. However, I then met my 2nd grade teacher Ms. Rhode. From the moment I walked into her classroom my desire to become a pediatrician changed from wanting to be a kids doctor to wanting to be a teacher. I wanted to be just like Ms. Rhode. She listened to her students, believed in her students and she made her classroom inviting. I wanted to go to school every day because of her, even though I already loved school.
As I got older, my interests changed and I fell away from the idea of wanting to be a teacher and could only summarize my desires by wanting to "help people". I absolutely love being around people. Jumping ahead to college...I met my friend Martha, someone else that I have looked up to in my life, and one day she asked me what I wanted to be or what I was studying. I remember telling her that I had no idea, but everyone suggests that I should be a teacher. Through many nights of conversations about life and hopes and dreams, one evening she suggested I look into Human Resource Management. As it turns out, Martha was partially right...I majored in HR. However, after college my career in HR only lasted about a year and then it dawned on me, maybe everyone is right. Maybe I should become a teacher.
When I decided to make a career change (if you can call working in HR for a year a career) and finally I had accepted the idea that maybe I am supposed to be a teacher, I had no idea, absolutely no idea that the endless nights of no sleep and racing to submit a paper online before midnight was going to lead me to where I am today. My college courses, professors and expensive textbooks did not even come close to preparing me for what it is like in today's classroom. What did prepare me was my heart to love, give and share to a new group of students each year.
I don't do well with teaching to the schedule of the text, the guidelines, the standards (whatever you want to call it) because I like to take my time throughout the day to get to know my students and build a trusting relationship with them. This takes time. A lot of time. And, believe it or not, it pays off. The relationship that I share with this year's group of kiddos will be unlike any year because of one little girl, Kelsey.
I remember the first day I met Kelsey at our school's meet and greet. She bounced into the classroom with a smile on her face and her blonde hair pulled back into a pony tail. Her pony tail wasn't pulled tight and she had wispy and slightly curly strands sticking out on the side of her head. My first thought was, she is adorable and I hope she is in my classroom. She walked up to me and saw that I was talking to someone else, so she waited patiently and very kindly for them to finish. She then said with a big smile and a happy, little twinkle in her eye, "I'm Kelsey and I wanted to be in your classroom and I got you." I can't recall what I said, but I do remember her grinning with delight and being silly, yet confident with the girls standing around her, Lauren B. and Lauren P. It turned out that both Kelsey and Lauren B. were in my classroom and Lauren P. was in the classroom next door. The remainder of the meet and greet is a blur, but for some reason, my moment when I first met Kelsey I remember very clearly.
School started on the 5th of September and the first day is always exciting and exhausting in one. There is a lot of talking on the teacher end, going over classroom and school policies and procedures. Really it takes the first week to go over classroom procedures and time for getting-to-know-you activities, which I love. The first day of school I display a huge cork board that has been decorated with pictures that tell a story of my life and who I am. I pretty much give my heart to the students on the first day. It just so happened that this year, my anniversary fell on a school day, the 6th of September. I shared this with my students and a couple took it to heart while others were already dazing off into space. The next morning, the 6th of September, my anniversary, in bounced Kelsey with another smile from ear to ear. As she walked closer to me, she handed me a little card and a beaded flower that she had made. She said to me, "Happy anniversary, Mrs. MacDonald, and I made you a bead flower. I thought it would be nice to get you a flower, but then I thought that a bead flower would be better because it will last forever." I gave her a hug and thanked her for thinking of Chad and I. That bead flower will last forever and will forever sit on my teacher's desk.
My class this year is 2/3 boys. I repeat, 2/3 boys. They are as boy as a boy can get, but I have learned to love them with all my heart. My girls are sweet, kind and gentle. They are giving. And they do their best to keep their ground with the boys....or roll their eyes at them. Every now and then I will look at the girls, shrug my shoulders and give them the look (or say), "Girls, what am I to do with these boys?" The boys find this hysterical and almost as a challenge, which they are good at challenging. When the boys would get out of hand and they were just about to overflow their cup of Mrs. MacDonald's patience, Kelsey would come to me, sometimes with one hand on her hip, and say, "Mrs. MacDonald, what are you going to do with these boys?" My response was always, "I don't know. Do you have any good suggestions?" We then would just laugh and I would have to call for the students' attention to redirect their behavior. My sweet Kelsey, I miss you helping me keep those boys inline.
My textbooks, professors and late night midterm papers for my Masters in Education could never prepare me for the unimaginable, the loss of a student. The week before Winter Break Kelsey had an unexpected and unknown brain injury called a brain AVM. She was placed in a medical induced coma and on the first day of Winter Break she passed away. In shock and disbelief I felt like my heart was ripped out of me. I was aching for her parents, her sister, her extended family, her fifth grade peers and myself. I couldn't believe it. How could someone so incredibly kind, giving, loving, sincere, sweet...young...be taken from us. Be taken from me. (Selfish, I know.)
I knew Kelsey for about three months and in that time I met an incredibly beautiful young lady that has inspired me to be a better teacher, a better mom, a better wife, a better friend...better at everything in life. Kelsey had a giving heart larger than the whole world. She loved school and it showed in her school work and the dedication she put forth. She was an incredible writer (I'm going to try to get one of her many stories published.) and silently encouraged others to do well in school. She was very creative, and not only in writing, but artistically as well. She didn't care for math all that much, but she was still determined to be a good student. She always asked questions and partook in the class conversations. She always looked for the best in everyone and was well-liked by so many. Kelsey was incredibly helpful and I could count on her for anything. Any odd and end job I had she would do it and it would get done efficiently. Her positive attitude, smile and laugh were contagious.
My sweet Kelsey, I've learned that your gentle, loving and giving heart came from your parents. The courageousness, bravery and ability to share their weaknesses with the community has comforted so many. Carol, Kelsey's mom, continues to volunteer in my classroom. Some days have been easier than others, but I look forward to seeing Carol weekly. It is a comfort knowing that she is a part of you and when we exchange hugs, there is a piece of you that I am hugging. I couldn't be more grateful for the incredible young lady that they shared with me and it just goes to show how outstanding you were by the impact you made on my life in such a short period of time.
You are missed greatly and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you. I will continue to wonder why God took your life at such a young age, but I'm also thankful that one day I will get to see you again. This brings a small sliver of hope and peace to my aching heart. I pray daily for your family. I pray that they will come to know God. I pray for peace in their hearts and within their daily lives. Sweet Kelsey, your are blessing beyond anything imaginable, as is your family. Rest in peace, beautiful girl.
You will forever be missed (and I will continue to listen to One Direction and Taylor Swift, your favorite).
Love,
Mrs. MacDonald
Kelsey, in her turquoise jacket with a big smile on her face, surrounded by friends.
At Camp with Lauren and Kelsey.
A sweet, little cowgirl on Halloween.
