Discouraged Yet Encouraged

I've been thinking about this post for quite a while, but just haven't had the time to sit down and type it out. Nor did I want to sit down and write in an over-emotional state (angry, sad, depressed, etc.)

Will is now 4 months old and last week I stopped nursing him.  Since day one, nursing has been a challenge. I realize that the challenges that we were faced with are not uncommon, but they're not talked about either.  I'm beginning to realize how much isn't talked about when it comes to trying to get pregnant, being pregnant, delivering a baby and then what to expect after your sweet little one is here.  Maybe I'm part pessimist, but I want to know the good and bad of what I'm getting myself into.  I don't want flowers and sugar coated candy.  With that being said...nursing isn't for everyone and for me, the challenging moments of nursing far outweighed the delightful-snuggle-cozy-I'm-nourishing-my-baby moments.

There seems to be this underlying pressure to nurse and if you don't nurse then you're frowned upon for not nursing and providing for your baby.  Where does this pressure come from?  I don't know.  Maybe the pressure comes from society, medical specialists, family or personal guilt. Again, I don't know, but the pressure is there.

After 4 months of struggling with providing for Will, I gave in.  I stopped nursing.  I cried.  I cried a lot.  I felt like a failure because I wanted to try to nurse for at least 6 months.  Four months?  That's all I could do?  Did I mention I cried?  It was awful.

However, I am encouraged.  The crying and feeling of guilt for not nursing longer than I did only lasted a few days.  Then my emotions shifted and I felt free.  Free to provide for Will using a bottle and formula.  That's right, I said it.  The F word.  FORMULA.  Let me tell you...it has made a world of difference in our lives in the past week.  I feel less stressed.  Will is getting fed and fed enough.  He is full.  He is happy and he is healthy.

Here is what I have to share with others who would like to breastfeed...

There are tremendous benefits for both the mom and the baby when it comes to breastfeeding; however, breastfeeding isn't for everyone.  It is okay if it is not for you.  Give it a shot and if it doesn't work out, then don't stress about it.

There may be challenges with breastfeeding.  There may be latching issues, infections, clogged ducts, not producing enough, producing too much (I only wish).  If your baby is born early there may be suction motions that have not been fully developed or learned, which for a couple of weeks can be  physically and emotionally exhausting.  You may have to feed your baby with a syringe and a tube.  You might have to use a breast shield due to various nipple issues.

Don't listen to the pressure (from wherever it may come from) and do what you feel is right for you and your baby and for you and your husband.

Try your best to be calm and have patience.  Believe me, in the midst of you trying to balance a crying and hungry baby on your lap while at the same time forcing a boob in their mouth, but them not latching on...well, it is hard to find the calmness and patience, but you must.  If that means, setting your baby down and stepping outside to take a deep breath and then walking back inside for "take two", then do it.

Your baby will be okay if you feed them formula.  The most important thing is that your baby is growing and healthy.  If breastfeeding isn't doing the trick, then try supplementing with formula or eliminating breastfeeding altogether.

Again, of course breastfeeding is beneficial to mom and baby, but having a sane, sensible, rested and healthy mom to take care of your baby is just as important.  If breastfeeding is getting in the way of any of this, then step back and take a look at what is going on and reevaluate.  Maybe breastfeeding isn't for you and again, this is okay.  It is okay!

Know that everyone has their own experience with breastfeeding.  Create your own and don't worry about what others think.  Do what is best for you and your baby.


Our baby is happy, healthy and full of life.  I breastfed for 4 months and I'm okay with that.