A Bump In The Road

I'm in a rut.  And maybe not a good one.  My life feels a little chaotic right now with trying to juggle a handful of larger-every-day-life happenings.  I know I'm not the only person who has gone through what I am going through and I know that there are many people who are going through far worse.  But for right now, my life seems like a whirlwind and quite frankly, I'm not enjoying it.  Between working full time, working towards my Professional Certificate (essentially going to school full time--not my choice) and trying to be a full time mom and wife--well, I'm exhausted.  I'm not myself and I don't like it.  I would love to be a wife, mom and teacher--a real teacher and not a number cruncher.

The evil to the majority of my unhappiness...pro-teach.  My profession has become so far removed from the importance and focus of what it really should be about--my students.  Instead, I'm constantly gathering data and writing up bullshit information to please....well, I don't know who.  Whether a teacher is working towards their Professional Certification or not they are still collecting, analyzing, labeling, categorizing and writing up bullshit information. Add pro-teach to that and the work triples.  Guess where my data comes from?  Testing my students.  It's ridiculous!  Ri-dic-u-lous!  Weekly my students are taking 10-plus page tests in multiple subjects.  (Well, they are supposed to, but I try to even it out so they are not taking so many in one day.)  It's absurd!  

Working towards my Professional Certification has pulled me away from the activities that I love doing and people I love.  My students have suffered and Lord knows my family has taken a hit.  My health has been the worst its been in a while.  The added stress of pro-teach has caused a number of lupus flare-ups and I was very sick from November to February. I've been short-tempered with Chad and the kids and I'm thankful they are all forgiving.  I'm grateful for a loving, patient and helpful husband.  Very grateful. 

I try to constantly remind myself that this is a short period of time.  The end of June I will (hopefully) be submitting all my work for a Professional Certificate.  And then I will wait...I will wait a few months before I hear if I passed and have received what I have worked so hard for (again, unwillingly).  If I don't pass then I have to do it all over again.  And, guess what?  I get to do this all over again anyway in five years.  Five years!  (There are not enough expletives to fully explain my frustration.)  I still can't figure out how this process is going to make me a better teacher--a better teacher for my students.  

Let me take a deep breath....I've only got a few more months of pro-teach, my students are flexible and not going without, my husband is fantastic and my sweet babes are healthy and happy.  This is all a small (although feels big) bump in the road.  

In Need of Rest

I'm "resting" this week, or as I have been told by my doctor and encouraged by my principal to rest and take some time off this week.  I'm having a really difficult time with this for a handful of reasons...1) I get emotional about leaving my students.  I'm just not ready yet and I know I will be back before the school year is over, but I'm just not ready to give them to another teacher for a short period of time. 2) I like to keep busy.  In general, I like to be on the go and always doing something.  I don't sit still very well.  And I need to. 3) I just worry.  I worry about delivering early.  So...I know resting is what's best. 

So, as I rest, I 've got my most recent knitting project close by (baby's blanket), my electrolytes and water, a mound of papers to grade and input into the grade book and the TV remote with Grey's Anatomy ready to play at an instant. 

It seems appropriate to be thankful for the situation I am in...thankful that I have a very caring doctor who has called me every other day to see how I am doing, thankful for a supportive staff that I work with, thankful for friends and family who keep checking in on me and most importantly, thankful for a loving husband and little boy who try to keep me off my feet as much as they can. 

So, although my situation isn't ideal, for now this is what it must be.  I will rest and enjoy this time to get caught up on a few classroom items and head back to work after Thanksgiving Break. 

Moms Like Us

A couple years ago a friend of mine created a private group on Facebook called Moms Like Us.  What originally started as a group of new-blank-in-the-face-in-love-with-their-baby-moms who were all friends has turned into group of nearly 900 women who share and discuss a variety of topics.  There are days that I get a good laugh, days that I think, "Really, you have to ask that question?" and then days that my heart aches for another mom (often someone whom I do not even know).  Unfortunately, today is one of those days that I can't stop thinking of a mom in the group that miscarried at 10 weeks.

If you haven't been through a miscarriage then it is really difficult to explain the emotions and trauma that you go through.  I can't even put it into words.  My heartache especially hits close to home because I have had three miscarriages and being pregnant again this is something that is always, ALWAYS, in the back of my mind.  The post from a saddened mom who lost her baby at 10 weeks is a reminder to me that I am not in control of my life....God is.  There are unexplainable reasons why women have to go through this heartache and loss, but I am reassured by the fact that my God is a loving God.  I choose to think that there are very good reasons for miscarriages and although I would like to know all the answers, this is one of many times that my question will remain unanswered until I am face to face with God.

For today, I am thankful that I have a happy, healthy family (thank you, God)---loving and supportive husband, funny and ornery 2 1/2 year old and a healthy little baby on the way.   Praying for a saddened mom who lost her 10-week old baby. 

Second Look At Life

Throughout my life I have been exposed to a handful of deaths that have made an impact on me.  In high school I had a classmate die in a car accident.  With a class of 82, this kind of tragedy effects everyone in the community.  In college I had a friend also die in a car accident.  I was an RA with her and this greatly affected the residence hall community in which I was a part of, as she brought so much life and positive energy to everyone around her.  I have miscarried a few times, which I think about daily...especially now that I am pregnant (16 weeks and going strong).  Almost two years ago I had a student pass away unexpectedly.  A day does not go by without me thinking of her. 

When death occurs it seems as if those around make comments as "we take life for granted", or "life's too short", or "life is unfair".  All these statements are true, but I think as time passes on we quickly forget about the importance of life and get caught up in our busy-hurried-hustle-and-bustle daily lives.  I am guilty of this as well because it is so easy to do. 

Chad, Will and I recently escaped death as we were in a severe car accident.  There is no explanation as to why we are here except that God protected us.  We walked away with minor cuts and bruises--Will completely unharmed.  We are alive and I am in somewhat disbelief.  There is no explanation, except for God.  Up until our accident, I too had made comments as "taking life for granted", etc.  Well, that's all changed.  Since last Thursday, I have woken up every day (as tears stream down my face) thanking God for life, for keeping my family safe and protecting us through the crash. 

Although I have been impacted by other deaths in my life, nothing has impacted me as much as mine and my families escape from death. It is true, we do take life for granted.  Within seconds it can all be taken from us.  But I question, how can I not take life for granted after time passes on?  How can I remind myself daily that life is important and the "bumps" in the road of life, whatever they may be, aren't as trivial as they may seem?  I have to slow down and take each day for what it is worth and continue to remind myself to slow down and tell those around me how important they are to me and how much I love them.  We are alive, healthy and have each other...and God. 

I love these two more than words can describe....

Life Has Happened

It always amazes me how much time passes in between my blog posts.  As I looked at my previous post I realized that I have not blogged since my sweet-little-student, Kelsey, passed away.  Life has happened.  It's been hard, rewarding, fun and full of love.  My heart is happy.

Life has happened since January.  Skipping to June, I sent my 5th graders off to the Middle School (thank God) and summer began.  I kicked off my summer with running two half marathons and crossing the finish line to be greeted by my biggest fans, Chad and Will.  I'm a lucky girl.  I have the best husband and little boy that I could ever ask for.

The remainder of the summer we spent on the road.  We started off with a trip to the cabin in Idaho for The Fourth.  This has been a tradition of ours since Chad and I were dating.  We hope to continue the tradition with our family.  Our next trip was to Eugene where Will and I spent time with my grandparents and the Siglers.  We were home for a day and then headed to Prosser to be with my parents for the weekend.  Will loves playing in the sprinklers and picking through the garden with Granny and Papa.  The following week we were back in Idaho for a continued tradition of camping on the river property.  This year we had a great crowd and Will had his first float down the river.  He loved it!  On the road again the next weekend, we headed south to Mt. Rainier where we camped and hiked with my parents.  It is official that Will loves to camp because he had an absolute blast getting dirty, exploring and just being a boy.  The following weekend we were back in northern Idaho for a wedding at spent some time camping with the Madsens and Foys up at the Bear Paw.  Those that get to experience the Bear Paw truly are a part of something special.  This was our quickest trip to Idaho which made for a lot of driving and patience on all our parts.  Will was a trooper.  The final weekend of our travels for the summer was, you guessed it, back to Idaho to the cabin.  It is always fun to be at the cabin when everyone is there.  We were able to spend time with the Siglers and Randles which was a lot of fun.  There are so many high-lights from this trip...Finishing a phase on the play house, jet skiing, swimming, boating, a salmon bake and just good quality time together.  Life has definitely happened this summer...and a lot of miles were put on my poor, little car.

We are slowly starting to get back into the swing of things for the fall.  I'm back to work next week and Will is going to be back in daycare full time.  I am going to be teaching 3rd this year, which makes me nervous and excited...maybe anxious...as I have never taught this grade before so everything is going to be new.  With a new principal, new team, new grade and new curriculum I shouldn't be too overwhelmed, right?  (Pray for me, please).

So, here's to a fun summer and a fresh start to the fall.  And a few cute pics of my boys.

 Late June soak on the back deck.

 Camping near Mt. Rainier.

 Hiking near Mt. Rainier.

 Taking it all in on Mt. Rainier.

 Adventuring through his own trail.

 Checking out the play house.

 Learning to jump off the dock.

Lessons from "Bobpa" about the jet-ski.

Life has happened.  Happy fall everyone.

Robin

Love, Mrs. MacDonald

When I was younger I wanted to be a pediatrician, but then I realized the math that was involved and opted out of that life decision.  However, I then met my 2nd grade teacher Ms. Rhode.  From the moment I walked into her classroom my desire to become a pediatrician changed from wanting to be a kids doctor to wanting to be a teacher.  I wanted to be just like Ms. Rhode.  She listened to her students, believed in her students and she made her classroom inviting.  I wanted to go to school every day because of her, even though I already loved school.

As I got older, my interests changed and I fell away from the idea of wanting to be a teacher and could only summarize my desires by wanting to "help people".  I absolutely love being around people. Jumping ahead to college...I met my friend Martha, someone else that I have looked up to in my life, and one day she asked me what I wanted to be or what I was studying.  I remember telling her that I had no idea, but everyone suggests that I should be a teacher.  Through many nights of conversations about life and hopes and dreams, one evening she suggested I look into Human Resource Management.  As it turns out, Martha was partially right...I majored in HR.  However, after college my career in HR only lasted about a year and then it dawned on me, maybe everyone is right.  Maybe I should become a teacher.

When I decided to make a career change (if you can call working in HR for a year a career) and finally I had accepted the idea that maybe I am supposed to be a teacher, I had no idea, absolutely no idea that the endless nights of no sleep and racing to submit a paper online before midnight was going to lead me to where I am today. My college courses, professors and expensive textbooks did not even come close to preparing me for what it is like in today's classroom.  What did prepare me was my heart to love, give and share to a new group of students each year.

I don't do well with teaching to the schedule of the text, the guidelines, the standards (whatever you want to call it) because I like to take my time throughout the day to get to know my students and build a trusting relationship with them.  This takes time.  A lot of time.  And, believe it or not, it pays off.  The relationship that I share with this year's group of kiddos will be unlike any year because of one little girl, Kelsey.

I remember the first day I met Kelsey at our school's meet and greet.  She bounced into the classroom with a smile on her face and her blonde hair pulled back into a pony tail.  Her pony tail wasn't pulled tight and she had wispy and slightly curly strands sticking out on the side of her head.  My first thought was, she is adorable and I hope she is in my classroom.  She walked up to me and saw that I was talking to someone else, so she waited patiently and very kindly for them to finish.  She then said with a big smile and a happy, little twinkle in her eye, "I'm Kelsey and I wanted to be in your classroom and I got you."  I can't recall what I said, but I do remember her grinning with delight and being silly, yet confident with the girls standing around her, Lauren B. and Lauren P.  It turned out that both Kelsey and Lauren B. were in my classroom and Lauren P. was in the classroom next door.  The remainder of the meet and greet is a blur, but for some reason, my moment when I first met Kelsey I remember very clearly.

School started on the 5th of September and the first day is always exciting and exhausting in one.  There is a lot of talking on the teacher end, going over classroom and school policies and procedures.  Really it takes the first week to go over classroom procedures and time for getting-to-know-you activities, which I love. The first day of school I display a huge cork board that has been decorated with pictures that tell a story of my life and who I am.  I pretty much give my heart to the students on the first day.  It just so happened that this year, my anniversary fell on a school day, the 6th of September.  I shared this with my students and a couple took it to heart while others were already dazing off into space.  The next morning, the 6th of September, my anniversary, in bounced Kelsey with another smile from ear to ear.  As she walked closer to me, she handed me a little card and a beaded flower that she had made.  She said to me, "Happy anniversary, Mrs. MacDonald, and I made you a bead flower.  I thought it would be nice to get you a flower, but then I thought that a bead flower would be better because it will last forever."  I gave her a hug and thanked her for thinking of Chad and I. That bead flower will last forever and will forever sit on my teacher's desk.

My class this year is 2/3 boys.  I repeat, 2/3 boys.  They are as boy as a boy can get, but I have learned to love them with all my heart. My girls are sweet, kind and gentle.  They are giving.  And they do their best to keep their ground with the boys....or roll their eyes at them.  Every now and then I will look at the girls, shrug my shoulders and give them the look (or say), "Girls, what am I to do with these boys?"  The boys find this hysterical and almost as a challenge, which they are good at challenging. When the boys would get out of hand and they were just about to overflow their cup of Mrs. MacDonald's patience, Kelsey would come to me, sometimes with one hand on her hip, and say, "Mrs. MacDonald, what are you going to do with these boys?"  My response was always, "I don't know.  Do you have any good suggestions?"  We then would just laugh and I would have to call for the students' attention to redirect their behavior.  My sweet Kelsey, I miss you helping me keep those boys inline.

My textbooks, professors and late night midterm papers for my Masters in Education could never prepare me for the unimaginable, the loss of a student. The week before Winter Break Kelsey had an unexpected and unknown brain injury called a brain AVM.  She was placed in a medical induced coma and on the first day of Winter Break she passed away.  In shock and disbelief I felt like my heart was ripped out of me. I was aching for her parents, her sister, her extended family, her fifth grade peers and myself.  I couldn't believe it.  How could someone so incredibly kind, giving, loving, sincere, sweet...young...be taken from us.  Be taken from me.  (Selfish, I know.)

I knew Kelsey for about three months and in that time I met an incredibly beautiful young lady that has inspired me to be a better teacher, a better mom, a better wife, a better friend...better at everything in life.  Kelsey had a giving heart larger than the whole world.  She loved school and it showed in her school work and the dedication she put forth.  She was an incredible writer (I'm going to try to get one of her many stories published.) and silently encouraged others to do well in school.  She was very creative, and not only in writing, but artistically as well.  She didn't care for math all that much, but she was still determined to be a good student.  She always asked questions and partook in the class conversations.  She always looked for the best in everyone and was well-liked by so many.  Kelsey was incredibly helpful and I could count on her for anything.  Any odd and end job I had she would do it and it would get done efficiently.  Her positive attitude, smile and laugh were contagious.

My sweet Kelsey, I've learned that your gentle, loving and giving heart came from your parents. The courageousness, bravery and ability to share their weaknesses with the community has comforted so many.  Carol, Kelsey's mom, continues to volunteer in my classroom.  Some days have been easier than others, but I look forward to seeing Carol weekly.  It is a comfort knowing that she is a part of you and when we exchange hugs, there is a piece of you that I am hugging.  I couldn't be more grateful for the incredible young lady that they shared with  me and it just goes to show how outstanding you were by the impact you made on my life in such a short period of time.

You are missed greatly and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you.  I will continue to wonder why God took your life at such a young age, but I'm also thankful that one day I will get to see you again.  This brings a small sliver of hope and peace to my aching heart.  I pray daily for your family.  I pray that they will come to know God.  I pray for peace in their hearts and within their daily lives.  Sweet Kelsey, your are blessing beyond anything imaginable, as is your family.  Rest in peace, beautiful girl.  

You will forever be missed (and I will continue to listen to One Direction and Taylor Swift, your favorite).
Love,
Mrs. MacDonald

Kelsey, in her turquoise jacket with a big smile on her face, surrounded by friends.

At Camp with Lauren and Kelsey.

A sweet, little cowgirl on Halloween.

Life Happens

I think I forgot I had a blog.  Well, not really; however, what has happened is life.  I looked and my last post was from July...the beginning of July.  Like I said, life has happened and we have been blessed.

On a daily basis I stress to my students the importance of writing every day, whether it is a concrete piece of writing or just a list of random items.  The idea is that the more one writes, the better one becomes in their writing techniques.  Maybe I should practice what I preach...I think that's a good idea.  Therefore, as I ramble at 10:48 p.m. instead of in bed and asleep, I want to commit to blogging more frequently. It is therapeutic, healthy and satisfying.  Also reflective and makes me feel better...not to mention when my students ask, "What are you writing about, Mrs. MacDonald?" I will have something to honestly share.

Tomorrow is a new day, but I leave you with words of wisdom from one special little girl who meant a lot to me (and was an outstanding writer).

"You should smile as much as you can. It makes people feel better, including yourself."
     -Kelsey Jensen

Goodnight.

Summer To Do's

Previous summers I have always created a list of things I wanted to do, see and get accomplished.  I have yet to do this and our summer is half over.  Nonetheless, here are the "to dos", the "want to sees" and the "I must get this accomplished" list...

• I want to read up on classroom management procedures and the 4th grade curriculum.  (I will be teaching 4th grade this next year, a new grade level for me. I'm also currently reading Positive Discipline In the Classroom: Developing Mutual Respect, Cooperation, and Responsibility in Your Classroom.)
• Day trip to Mt. St. Helens (Accomplished!)
• Restain the deck.
• Form a landscaping plan for the back and front yard (we have a few changes we would like to do).
• Refinish the entry way table
• Fix and paint or paint and tile the desk on the deck.
• Calk the kitchen and finish painting (Accomplished!)
• Beginning in August, visit my classroom at least once a week to get ahead of the game for when fall arrives. 
• Go for at least a 30 minute walk 5 days a week (Accomplished...so far.)
• Go to the zoo (Done and done!  We've got a zoo membership now so the zoo is our new favorite place to hang out. )
• Camping in Idaho.
• Couple trips to The Cabin.
• Train for a 5K in the fall (Getting there.)
• Reorganize the kitchen cupboards (Accomplished!)
• Clean out the upstairs hall closet.
• Organize all our camping/outdoor gear in the garage.
• Refinish Will's high chair (my old high chair).
• Go to an M's game.
• Print a few pictures and hang them up around the house.
• Go on two hikes...in new areas.  Thinking of checking out a couple of trails off of HWY 2...maybe a portion of the PCT.
• Clean out and organize the upstairs guest bedroom closet.
• Clean out the front hall closet.

Alright...so this is just a start and this might take me well into September, but for now, this will do.

Happy summer, everyone. 

Discouraged Yet Encouraged

I've been thinking about this post for quite a while, but just haven't had the time to sit down and type it out. Nor did I want to sit down and write in an over-emotional state (angry, sad, depressed, etc.)

Will is now 4 months old and last week I stopped nursing him.  Since day one, nursing has been a challenge. I realize that the challenges that we were faced with are not uncommon, but they're not talked about either.  I'm beginning to realize how much isn't talked about when it comes to trying to get pregnant, being pregnant, delivering a baby and then what to expect after your sweet little one is here.  Maybe I'm part pessimist, but I want to know the good and bad of what I'm getting myself into.  I don't want flowers and sugar coated candy.  With that being said...nursing isn't for everyone and for me, the challenging moments of nursing far outweighed the delightful-snuggle-cozy-I'm-nourishing-my-baby moments.

There seems to be this underlying pressure to nurse and if you don't nurse then you're frowned upon for not nursing and providing for your baby.  Where does this pressure come from?  I don't know.  Maybe the pressure comes from society, medical specialists, family or personal guilt. Again, I don't know, but the pressure is there.

After 4 months of struggling with providing for Will, I gave in.  I stopped nursing.  I cried.  I cried a lot.  I felt like a failure because I wanted to try to nurse for at least 6 months.  Four months?  That's all I could do?  Did I mention I cried?  It was awful.

However, I am encouraged.  The crying and feeling of guilt for not nursing longer than I did only lasted a few days.  Then my emotions shifted and I felt free.  Free to provide for Will using a bottle and formula.  That's right, I said it.  The F word.  FORMULA.  Let me tell you...it has made a world of difference in our lives in the past week.  I feel less stressed.  Will is getting fed and fed enough.  He is full.  He is happy and he is healthy.

Here is what I have to share with others who would like to breastfeed...

There are tremendous benefits for both the mom and the baby when it comes to breastfeeding; however, breastfeeding isn't for everyone.  It is okay if it is not for you.  Give it a shot and if it doesn't work out, then don't stress about it.

There may be challenges with breastfeeding.  There may be latching issues, infections, clogged ducts, not producing enough, producing too much (I only wish).  If your baby is born early there may be suction motions that have not been fully developed or learned, which for a couple of weeks can be  physically and emotionally exhausting.  You may have to feed your baby with a syringe and a tube.  You might have to use a breast shield due to various nipple issues.

Don't listen to the pressure (from wherever it may come from) and do what you feel is right for you and your baby and for you and your husband.

Try your best to be calm and have patience.  Believe me, in the midst of you trying to balance a crying and hungry baby on your lap while at the same time forcing a boob in their mouth, but them not latching on...well, it is hard to find the calmness and patience, but you must.  If that means, setting your baby down and stepping outside to take a deep breath and then walking back inside for "take two", then do it.

Your baby will be okay if you feed them formula.  The most important thing is that your baby is growing and healthy.  If breastfeeding isn't doing the trick, then try supplementing with formula or eliminating breastfeeding altogether.

Again, of course breastfeeding is beneficial to mom and baby, but having a sane, sensible, rested and healthy mom to take care of your baby is just as important.  If breastfeeding is getting in the way of any of this, then step back and take a look at what is going on and reevaluate.  Maybe breastfeeding isn't for you and again, this is okay.  It is okay!

Know that everyone has their own experience with breastfeeding.  Create your own and don't worry about what others think.  Do what is best for you and your baby.


Our baby is happy, healthy and full of life.  I breastfed for 4 months and I'm okay with that.

Lake Wenatchee and Leavenworth

Our summer has been off to a great start...or rather my summer has been off to a great start.  I feel like I have been on summer break since Will has been here, but school isn't officially out for another week and one day.  (One day.  One day of going to school for 2 hours.  This is pointless, but whatever it takes I guess.)

Memorial Day somewhat kicks off our summer where BBQ's, warmer weather (or wishful thinking of warmer weather) and much traveling to see family and friends begins.  Rasar State Park has been a camping tradition for the past 6-7 years. Some parts are a little fuzzy, which I equate to the good times we have had.  This year's trip was a little different...we had Will and we only made it a day trip because he wasn't quite sleeping through the night, or at least consistently sleeping through the night.

Our little family at Rasar State Park.

This past week Will and I took a trip to Lake Wenatchee to see Granny and Papa and hang out for a few days.  While we were there we took a day trip into Leavenworth and hiked part of Lake Wenatchee shore side trail.  Granny also taught Will, or at least introduced him to the steps to making sangria.  We had a great time.

Smiling with Granny.

A day in Leavenworth.

Mom and I...after wine tasting.  We had so much fun!

Sangria lesson...

...introducing Will to wine.  

Hike around Lake Wenatchee. Will was not cooperative for the camera.

Today we enjoyed and laughed hysterically (I was crying I was laughing so hard) at Aidan's preschool graduation.  This little boy means the world to us.  He is like a nephew to us and we would do anything for him.  He is smart.  Very smart.  And he loves to read, especially about Star Wars.  He is funny and always makes us laugh.  He also has a loving heart, but is often shy about showing it.  My favorite is when he secretly approaches and wants to give a hug or quietly says, "I love you, Monin."  He truly is an incredible little boy and I'm so thankful that Molly and Ryan share him with us.  Congratulations buddy on finishing preschool.  We are so proud of you, Aidan.

After Aidan's preschool ceremony.

There are many other "things to do, places to see and people to be with" for our summer...this will be another post.

Until then...welcome summer and hurry up warmer weather.

Little Arms Welcoming into Heaven

It's not even our loss, but my heart aches incredibly.  I've cried all night thinking about it and trying to imagine what our friends are going through.  I can't.  I'm completely taken aback by this and continue to ask God why.  And then I go into complete feelings of guilt for us not staying in better contact with them, for not calling when we are in the area, for not getting together more often when we lived closer.

I pray for the Demings and their extended family that is going through this loss. I ask that God wrap his loving arms around them, comfort them and surround them with loved ones.  Lord allow them to grieve and give them the time to work their way through this loss.  I pray, Lord, that you comfort the little hearts of Henry, Morgan and Max as they grieve in their own little way.  Allow them to have answers to their questions about their little brother, Andrew Michael.  Lord, in due time, give them piece of mind knowing that Andrew Michael is with You in Heaven.  God I also pray that your healing hands are upon Sarah.  Give her the strength and courage to face each day and a quick recovery to what her body has gone through.  God, please bless their family.

I can only hope that our three little ones in Heaven opened their arms wide to Michael Andrew and they are running through the woods, building forts, sword fighting with sticks, eating s'mores around the campfire, playing in the dirt and muddy from head to toe...freely playing as little kids do with huge imaginations.  Most importantly, that they have welcomed him and asked him to play and be friends.

God, I thank you so much for our little Will.  Although extremely difficult and still in question, I thank you Lord for the losses that I have experienced, only to be able to comfort and support others that have similar aches in their heart.  Today I'm grateful for life.

Throughout our losses, words of encouragement have been shared with us.  I share these same words of encouragement to the Demmings...

Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord. -Psalm 31:24

The Lord is near to the broken hearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him (her) out of them all.  -Psalm 34: 18-19

I will turn their mourning into joy and comfort them and give them joy for their sorrow. -Jer. 31:13

We love you Demings.  Our extended arms are here and we will continue to pray for you.

First M's Home Opener

Will went to his first M's home opener.  I foresee this being just one of many more home openers to come, beings that this was Chad and mine's ninth home opener.  

Will was fantastic.  We were hoping to make it to the 4th inning and we ended up leaving in the 8th because we had to catch our bus.  We have definitely lucked out with a mellow little boy.  

Will got a certificate from guest services that shows he came to the game with mommy and daddy.  He also got a Mariner Moose playing card.  I might just be an overly excited new mommy, but I thought that it was pretty cute and cool.

On our walk out of the stadium and to the bus tunnel, both Chad and I commented on the fact that neither of our parents were there this year.  We missed them.  Maybe next year. 

Here are a couple of pictures from that night...

Take Me Out To The Ball Game

Yes, it's that time of year.  The Mariner's season starts tomorrow and I couldn't be more thrilled.  I love baseball and believe it or not, I love the Mariners.  It's hard to be an M's fan, but at the beginning of every season the loyal M's fans hope for the best.  And we have high hopes for the best.  So right now, our season looks good and anything is possible.

The home opener is April 13th and for the past 8 years I have been to the home opener.  It's now a tradition and one that I hope we can continue...with Will.  I'm pretty excited that this year will be Will's first home opener.

Here's a couple of pictures from last year's home opener.

Chad's parents were in town for the game.  

Before the game, hanging out in the beer garden at Pyramid across the street from the stadium.

Traditional picture with the field in the background.

There will be 3 of us in the picture this year.

We always dominate the standing space behind home plate.

Two of my favorite fans, Becca and Molls.

The boys...Will, Anthony, Luke and Chad.

Luke and I have been to the last 8 home openers together.

Looking forward to the game in a couple of weeks.  Let's go Mariners!

Life Changes--A Little Over Two Week In

Time has passed by quickly.  I looked at my last post and realized it was in the end of January.  My writing time has been more preoccupied on Will's blog, (http://weebabymoon.blogspot.com/).  Our little miracle has arrived and what an adventure it has been so far.

Will was born three weeks early and at first I thought that three weeks really couldn't make that much of a difference, but it has.  The biggest challenge, at least for me, has been with breast feeding.  Everybody talks about the benefits to breastfeeding (which I completely agree), but the conversations of how difficult, exhausting (emotionally and physically) and painful it can be is rarely discussed.  But don't get me wrong, it is indescribably rewarding and satisfying in a nurturing way at the same time.

For the first few days Will was tube fed from the breast and in doing so I felt helpless.  My milk hadn't come in completely and knowing how valuable the nutrient-rich colostrum was for Will to get, but not fully receiving was emotionally exhausting.  Looking down at him as he was trying to nurse, learning to suck from a breast shield, receiving food from a tube while at the same time him looking up at his mommy and daddy probably wondering why we were not adequately providing for him.  Recalling the desperate look in his eyes brings me to tears.  Little Will went through a 24-hour period where he did not want to eat, but just sleep and significantly dropped weight.  His brain was still programmed to be sleeping and receiving food without effort.  He wasn't ready for the real world and Chad and I had to teach him and try to reassure him that what we were doing was for the good.  Again, just thinking about it breaks my heart.

The next morning Chad called Will's pediatrician and she wanted to see him right away.  That afternoon we saw Dr. Chaput, who absolutely loves Will, and she reassured the both of us that he was going to be okay.  I almost think we needed the doctor's visit more than Will did.  While waiting for my milk to come in Will's pediatrician told us to do formula supplements and keep a detailed log of Will's feedings and pooping and peeing schedule.  When we returned home I had an emotional breakdown...feeling less than adequate as a new mommy.  Chad continued to be solid and support me, Will and our new life changes as we dove in head first.

Once Will started eating, he began to come alive and become a little person.  His cheeks started to fill out, his bottom lip puckered up and his coloring changed drastically.  Within a week the tube feeding ended (thank God) and we were able to bottle feed him breast milk.  Now the little guy is nursing and being bottle fed like a champ and gaining weight as he should.

Other life changes...lack of sleep.  Although this is expected with a newborn, but I guess we weren't fully prepared for what that meant.  It amazes me how little sleep our bodies can continue to function...well, sort of.  We are regularly in bed by 8:00 now because we are so tired.  Although, Will has a different story in mind and enjoys staying awake from about 8:30-midnight.

I know it's only been two weeks, but I feel like our social life has also taken a huge step back.  We left our house for a social outing on St. Patrick's Day, but inside I was a basket case and not sure if I even wanted to go.  I was glad we went, but also glad when we came home.  Our second social outing was to our weekly Survivor night.  I was a little more relaxed, but we are still trying to figure out Will's schedule...if he has one...and where we fit in to all of it too.

Nonetheless, with these little life changes my heart is overflowing with love for our little miracle baby boy, Will.  We've brought a gift from God into this world and he is precious, peaceful and absolutely perfect.

Somewhere Over TheRainbow

We have three little angels in heaven.

This song always makes me think of them.

But only this version.

Today this song makes my heart smile. 

30 Weeks

I go back and forth on where to post pregnancy related photos, feelings, thoughts, etc...here or on "Herm's" blog.  I've decided that "Herm's" blog is more about letters to him from me and this one is just about anything, really.  About life, I guess.

Anyway, here is a picture of Danielle and I at the Peter Kirk baby shower.

Me = 30 weeks, Danielle = 37 weeks

Our little boys will be friends. 

I'm so thankful that I have Danielle, a close friend, who has also been pregnant the same time that I have.  She's about 7 weeks ahead of me, and she has a similar story.  It's great to compare and talk about our pregnancies.  The reassurance has been appreciated.

Danielle, you've kept me grounded.  We've laughed together...and laughed at others.  We've made a pact to get back in shape after the babies are here.  We've also made a deal with one another that if we are still packin' on the pounds a year after the babies are here that we can support each other to "get our acts together".  I simply love your positive outlook on life...it's contagious.  I look forward to the days of our little boys playing together and us sipping on our beers, poolside, in the summer time.

Thanks for being a great friend, Danielle.

Snow, Snow, Snow

The past week we have been hit with a snow storm and as I sit in the kitchen and stare out the window, it continues to snow.  Chad and I have ventured out a few times and last night as we were driving around we were talking about how all the snow makes us miss Idaho.  We both wish that at least for a month we could have continued snow here; although, what a disaster that would be with the crazies around her.  Not to mention that Western Washington does not have the equipment to maintain that kind of snow levels.  Nonetheless, we sure do enjoy it and the memories it sparks from living in Idaho.  (Sorry Sonja, no plans of moving back to Idaho.)

With the snow, brings snow days or days away from school.  School was canceled the past two days and at the rate the snow is falling today, we probably won't have school tomorrow either.  Every snow day missed during our regularly scheduled school days we have to make up at the end of the school year.  YUCK!  This means that we are currently in school until June 26th.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  I can only hope that we don't have a 4th of July assembly.  If that's the case, I might strongly consider extending my maternity leave.

In other news...Peter Kirk had a baby shower for Danielle and I.  It was a lot of fun.  Low key, great food, great drinks (I only had a couple little sips) no lame games and just hanging out.  The staff got our babies newborn matching outfit sets (our babies are 7 weeks apart) and one other larger gift.  I got one of these...

...a moby wrap.  I've heard great things about this baby-carrier-contraption and it's very popular in Europe and the middle east.  It's supposed to be excellent for your back too.  I've heard it's quite comfortable...we'll see how it goes.  How lucky I am to be working at such a loving, positive and supportive school.  The community at PK is truly one of the best.

Mom is planning a family/family friend baby shower in February.  I'm really looking forward to this.  I'm excited to see everyone and to just enjoy the day.  The big party will be after "Herm" arrives...we won't be holding back...our neighbors might even dislike us for a while as we party it up with family and friends.  I'm okay with this..."Herm's" worth every moment of celebration.

Here are a few pictures.  Enjoy...

Family Christmas photo.  

Snowy house. 

Looking into our snowy cul-de-sac.

Everyone should be jealous of my socked-flip-flopped-Vanna-White-reindeer-mail-retriever.

(He's so cute.)

Hunkering down for another snow day...I just received a call from the school district stating that there is no school tomorrow.  Fourth of July school assembly is just around the corner. 

What A Year It's Been

First off...Happy New Year to all my family and friends.  What an exciting year it has been.

I came across this on a new favorite website at www.pinterest.com.  The website is a time sucker, but nonetheless an absolutely fun place to get ideas for the classroom, to decorating, to gardening, to fashion, to favorite recipes...it's all there.  Here's the idea I thought was great and I think I am going to use this in my classroom.  Like most things that I do with my students, I generally do the same project to get an idea for what my expectations would be for their age level and to have an example for them.  Plus, it gives them a little bit more of an inside as to what their teacher is really like.  Here it is...(You can also go to the website in the bottom right hand corner of the picture to actually print this out.)

So what a year it's been for me...

A Little About Me

Name:  Robin

Age: 33 (almost 34, yikes)

Favorite Color: Red

Favorite Food:  Mexican or Thai

Favorite Activity:  Knitting, running, being with friends, watching movies

Favorite Book: I really don't have one...

...I like the author Roald Dahl and

I recently enjoyed the book Bossy Pants by Tina Fey.

Highlights From 2011

Greatest Lesson Learned: God never fails and it's all on His timing.

Hardest Thing of the Year: Trusting in God.

Favorite Memory: Seeing our baby's heartbeat.

What I Loved Most About 2011: Realizing just how blessed we are to be loved by so many people.  

Blessed almost seems like a cliche word to use...

...its downright unbelievable how loved and fortunate we are.

Looking Forward to 2012

Want to Learn: I want to learn how not to get caught up in the little things

that don't matter in the big picture of life.

I also want to learn how to sew...

...something I've mentioned the past couple of years...

...maybe this is the year.

Want to Get Better At: I want to get better at being devoted to my husband, 

and I want to lessen my "piles" around the house, in the classroom, etc.

Biggest Goal: To be a relaxed new mommy...

...and learn as I go...

...and learn from mistakes.

Eeeek!  I can't wait to do this with my kiddos.  They are going to love this!  

Happy New Year everyone.

Lots of love,

Robin 

Miracle

Yesterday in church, someone who I truly value the words they share, came up to me and shared that this Christmas for Chad and I will be something extra special.  Extra special because of God's love.  Extra special because of the miracle of having a baby on the way.  He also shared that he knew that God would not let us down and that one day we would become parents.  He just knew.  This man has a Godly heart and I truly appreciate the prayers, words of wisdom and loving, gentle soul that he has shared with Chad and I.  

Yes, this Christmas is going to be extra special because we have a baby on the way.  God's miracle of creation.  We are so blessed.  

Merry Christmas. 

These Are A Few of My Not-So-Favorite Things...

For the most part I have absolutely enjoyed every minute of being pregnant.  I think this is true partly because it has taken a lot of work to get to where we are and I really have enjoyed being pregnant.  Even through the morning sickness, which there are days still, I just smile because its just another sign that all is right in Herm's world.

However, there has been a few small things that I haven't enjoyed as much...

• I miss my clothes or at least a variety of things to wear.  Sounds materialistic, I know.
• I miss eating seafood.  I know I could eat it, but the thought of even being near the smell of it stirs up nausea.
• I miss deli sandwiches.  The one thing my doctor---whom, I love--said I should avoid...everything else she said to take in moderation.
• I miss sleeping on my stomach.
• I miss winter beer...although I've stolen a couple sips here and there, its just not the same.
• I wish my winter coat fit; however, I do like that Herm sticks out to stay "hello" to the world.
• I really don't enjoy the bloody noses, or all the extra snot and phlegm--every morning.
• Although funny, I wish when I sneezed I didn't pee my pants just a little...every time. Which I understand this doesn't go away.  Ever.
• I could do without the leg cramping and I'm sure Chad could do without the bloody screaming in the middle of the night when the cramp takes over my entire lower body...or at least that's what it feels like.
• Heartburn?  I think that is just beginning.
• I don't think I would mind the constant urge to have to pee, but as a teacher this is challenging.

I'm not complaining.  Really.  These are just a few things that have changed in my life in the past 7-10 days of the pregnancy.  

Oh. And the hairy belly?  I actually don't mind it.  I'm kind of fascinated it by it.  I also don't mind Herm's new burrowing action.  Or at least that is what it feels like...as if he is trying to escape.

Pregnancy is such an odd, mysterious, fascinating and miraculous occurrence.