Time has passed by quickly. I looked at my last post and realized it was in the end of January. My writing time has been more preoccupied on Will's blog, (
http://weebabymoon.blogspot.com/). Our little miracle has arrived and what an adventure it has been so far.
Will was born three weeks early and at first I thought that three weeks really couldn't make that much of a difference, but it has. The biggest challenge, at least for me, has been with breast feeding. Everybody talks about the benefits to breastfeeding (which I completely agree), but the conversations of how difficult, exhausting (emotionally and physically) and painful it can be is rarely discussed. But don't get me wrong, it is indescribably rewarding and satisfying in a nurturing way at the same time.
For the first few days Will was tube fed from the breast and in doing so I felt helpless. My milk hadn't come in completely and knowing how valuable the nutrient-rich colostrum was for Will to get, but not fully receiving was emotionally exhausting. Looking down at him as he was trying to nurse, learning to suck from a breast shield, receiving food from a tube while at the same time him looking up at his mommy and daddy probably wondering why we were not adequately providing for him. Recalling the desperate look in his eyes brings me to tears. Little Will went through a 24-hour period where he did not want to eat, but just sleep and significantly dropped weight. His brain was still programmed to be sleeping and receiving food without effort. He wasn't ready for the real world and Chad and I had to teach him and try to reassure him that what we were doing was for the good. Again, just thinking about it breaks my heart.
The next morning Chad called Will's pediatrician and she wanted to see him right away. That afternoon we saw Dr. Chaput, who absolutely loves Will, and she reassured the both of us that he was going to be okay. I almost think we needed the doctor's visit more than Will did. While waiting for my milk to come in Will's pediatrician told us to do formula supplements and keep a detailed log of Will's feedings and pooping and peeing schedule. When we returned home I had an emotional breakdown...feeling less than adequate as a new mommy. Chad continued to be solid and support me, Will and our new life changes as we dove in head first.
Once Will started eating, he began to come alive and become a little person. His cheeks started to fill out, his bottom lip puckered up and his coloring changed drastically. Within a week the tube feeding ended (thank God) and we were able to bottle feed him breast milk. Now the little guy is nursing and being bottle fed like a champ and gaining weight as he should.
Other life changes...lack of sleep. Although this is expected with a newborn, but I guess we weren't fully prepared for what that meant. It amazes me how little sleep our bodies can continue to function...well, sort of. We are regularly in bed by 8:00 now because we are so tired. Although, Will has a different story in mind and enjoys staying awake from about 8:30-midnight.
I know it's only been two weeks, but I feel like our social life has also taken a huge step back. We left our house for a social outing on St. Patrick's Day, but inside I was a basket case and not sure if I even wanted to go. I was glad we went, but also glad when we came home. Our second social outing was to our weekly Survivor night. I was a little more relaxed, but we are still trying to figure out Will's schedule...if he has one...and where we fit in to all of it too.
Nonetheless, with these little life changes my heart is overflowing with love for our little miracle baby boy, Will. We've brought a gift from God into this world and he is precious, peaceful and absolutely perfect.
