Trail of Thoughts

The worship, prayer, and message got to me today.

I cried and wanted to cry more, but I held back.

I need to let it go.

I need a change of heart.

God needs to be the focus of my life.

That's a good place to start, I guess.

I 've got to trust in God.

I must realize that everything happens when He thinks it's right.

I'm not in charge of time.

I need to spend tme with God daily.

This should change my heart.

I need to have hope.

God can give me that hope.

I can't turn my back on God anymore.

Trust is important.

Hurting, Hopeful Heart

I know I need to move on and I realize it is no longer Christmas, but certain events prior to the holidays have stirred up my current spiritual thoughts and maybe struggles.  I was invited, along with a few other friends, to a Christmas performance at Northshore Baptist Church.  I had absolutely zero hesitation in going to this event due to a few reasons: 1) I enjoy any kind of Christmas show, 2) I was invited by a dear friend, and 3) the additional company and plans for the evening sounded superb.  And as predicted, the night turned out to be filled with great food, fun, and entertainment.  However, what I did not expect was the heartache and empty feeling in my heart as I got in my care and drove home, tears streaming down my face. 

Since that evening I have continued to question why I felt the way I did.  Why the feeling of heartache, lonliness and almost as if something is/was missing continues to linger in my heart?  I'm questioning on whether or not I am getting spiritually fulfilled?  Am I going to church for the right reasons?  Is it time for a change?...The questions continue to build up and I have yet to have any answers.  I know a good place to start is asking God and praying about it, but this is an entirely different challenge in my life right now as well.  I'm fairly certain I know why the emotional feelings consumed me the evening I drove away from Northshore Baptist Church, but the truth I fear.

The truth:  Chad and I have been going to the Rock Church ever since we moved to the Seattle area.  After a few weekends of "church shopping", we finally found a church that welcomed us with open arms, did not have an average age of 90 and was not preparing over-the-top miracles in front of a few thousand people.  Within weeks we knew we had found a new home.  We've been in multiple life groups, volunteered and have established life-lasting relationships with many members of our church.  The truth, I think it's time for a change.  My heart is beating twice the normal speed just thinking about a change.  What does this look like?  What is going to happen? Where will we end up? What relationships will continue and who will slowly trickle out of our every day lives?  And when is this going to happen?  The change may take place at our current church or the change may take place elsewhere.  The truth scares me.

I suppose, the first and foremost step in getting past my fears is re-establishing my relationship with Jesus.  I know I've turned away from Him due to life events that I have had no control over nor do I have answers as to why God has taken me down this path.  What I do know is I have a loving God who is always there for me...that's where I will start....my heart is hopeful. 

What Happened to December?

When I should be finalzing report cards and preparing for conferences, I find myself catching up on my blog.  I still have a few days...I can procrastinate a few more hours, right?
It's mid-January.  MID-JANUARY!  What happened to December and the beginning of January? 

Over the holidays we spent some time in northern Idaho and Spokane.  I always feel rushed to see as many family and friends as we can whenever we go home for the holidays, but this year I didn't.  We made a simple plan and stuck to it...sorry to those that we did not see this past trip to the east side.  We'll see you next time. 

We were up at my Dad's house for Christmas this year and I absolutely love going up there. I think it's the feeling of being completely disconnected, the silence of nature all around (my dad calls it God's country...it's simply beautiful) and the overall relaxing environment.  Not to mention that driving up the river always elevates fond childhood memories from deep within.  We spent many hours basking in each other's company, sharing stories and just being silly.  A  feeling of happiness consumes my entire body just thinking about it. 

We snuck in a day with Chad's family and I'm so thankful to have such a loving family.  It just so happened to work out for all of us to come home for Christmas...or rather the day after.  With Kurt and Teags in Eugene, Kael and Jason in Cheney and Chad and I in Kirkland our individual lives get busy.  Although, when we do get to see one another it's always that much more special. 

Here are a few pics from Christmas...

Dad and I.

Dad, Chad and I.  I love self-taken photos.

Debbie in her cute apron.

Dad's wild turkeys...he feeds about 50 of them.

This is right out their back door.

At the MacDonald's...

Reese (also known as the cutest niece in the world) sitting at her new table.

The boys playing with the loader...a tradition.

The Colemanator (most hansome nephew in the world) proudly displaying his new Idaho Vandal hat.

I must apologize to Chad and Teags for posting this, but I couldnt' resist sharing.

A tradition at the MacDonald's...you have to try on EVERYTHING!

Of course, without question, Chad and Teags did not pass up this opportunity to model their new unders...

...and it digressed from here.

Therefore, I will not show you the other pictures which are not suitable for everyone's eyes.

A quick stop to see my brother....



I miss him...a lot.

I'm done with sharing for now...

Tip-Toeing Topics

I love the holidays, all holidays.  I think this feeling comes from my childhood and the excitement of every holiday around our house.  Mom always had something prepared to read to us, give to us, or some crafty project for us to create.  Thanks, mom...those happy memories mean a lot to me.

The happy feeling of Christmas is one of my favorite times of year.  I know, I know...it's mid-January and I'm writing about Christmas, but I truly do love the feeling of warmth, love and happiness everywhere.  I even enjoy the crowded malls, the hustle and bustle and the mass marketing of the season that begins before Halloween has arrived.  The one thing I do not enjoy is the tip-toeing around everyone's feelings, customs and traditions about what the holiday season is all about. 

As a teacher, I really struggle with the sensitive topics and what I should and shouldn't teach.  I'm not only talking about Christmas either.  There are many schools across the nation that no longer celebrate Halloween or St. Valentine's Day.  Really?  I honestly don't have anything profound to say about this topic, but I do know that I don't shy away from talking, teaching and providing an opportunity for classroom discussion on most holidays, traditions, customs and beliefs that are shared around our world.  I find it incredibly valuable to have these student-led conversations because it provides an opportunity for creating community and establishing relationships in my classroom.  After all, isn't a classroom supposed to provide that safe environment for students?  A place where they can openly discuss, ask questions and develop their own opinions on wordly views sounds like an ideal classroom to me.

As a 6th grade teacher I feel comfortable and confident in what I teach and what I do not shy away from when it comes to tip-toeing topics. 

With that being said...Happy Halloween, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Valentine's Day.   

Writing With No Time

I don't like that I don't have time to blog anymore...at least I feel like I don't have as much time to blog.  Not to mention our computer has been on the fritz for the past month and blogging at work isn't something I enjoy.  Nonetheless, here I sit, blogging at work...I would really just like to go home now.
I have a lot to catch up on and I have a lot I want to write about. I also like making lists so I can check things off as they are completed.  So, here is a list of things that I would like to write about...

1. Tip-toeing around holiday discussions/celebrations/teachings in the classroom.
2. Christmas Vacation
3. Current spiritual struggles
4. Reflections on teaching and my students
5. Running and where I am right now
6. My favorite breakfast recipe
7. House hunting
8. Knitting hats
9. ...I can't think of anything else

This is a good start.  Now because I'm tired and I want to go home, my posts will have to wait until tomorrow.  Until then, enjoy this picture...

...it's supposed to snow this week and this is what our street looked like the last time it snowed.  Pretty.