I'm in a rut. And maybe not a good one. My life feels a little chaotic right now with trying to juggle a handful of larger-every-day-life happenings. I know I'm not the only person who has gone through what I am going through and I know that there are many people who are going through far worse. But for right now, my life seems like a whirlwind and quite frankly, I'm not enjoying it. Between working full time, working towards my Professional Certificate (essentially going to school full time--not my choice) and trying to be a full time mom and wife--well, I'm exhausted. I'm not myself and I don't like it. I would love to be a wife, mom and teacher--a real teacher and not a number cruncher.
The evil to the majority of my unhappiness...pro-teach. My profession has become so far removed from the importance and focus of what it really should be about--my students. Instead, I'm constantly gathering data and writing up bullshit information to please....well, I don't know who. Whether a teacher is working towards their Professional Certification or not they are still collecting, analyzing, labeling, categorizing and writing up bullshit information. Add pro-teach to that and the work triples. Guess where my data comes from? Testing my students. It's ridiculous! Ri-dic-u-lous! Weekly my students are taking 10-plus page tests in multiple subjects. (Well, they are supposed to, but I try to even it out so they are not taking so many in one day.) It's absurd!
Working towards my Professional Certification has pulled me away from the activities that I love doing and people I love. My students have suffered and Lord knows my family has taken a hit. My health has been the worst its been in a while. The added stress of pro-teach has caused a number of lupus flare-ups and I was very sick from November to February. I've been short-tempered with Chad and the kids and I'm thankful they are all forgiving. I'm grateful for a loving, patient and helpful husband. Very grateful.
I try to constantly remind myself that this is a short period of time. The end of June I will (hopefully) be submitting all my work for a Professional Certificate. And then I will wait...I will wait a few months before I hear if I passed and have received what I have worked so hard for (again, unwillingly). If I don't pass then I have to do it all over again. And, guess what? I get to do this all over again anyway in five years. Five years! (There are not enough expletives to fully explain my frustration.) I still can't figure out how this process is going to make me a better teacher--a better teacher for my students.
Let me take a deep breath....I've only got a few more months of pro-teach, my students are flexible and not going without, my husband is fantastic and my sweet babes are healthy and happy. This is all a small (although feels big) bump in the road.
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Monday, November 24, 2014
In Need of Rest
I'm "resting" this week, or as I have been told by my doctor and encouraged by my principal to rest and take some time off this week. I'm having a really difficult time with this for a handful of reasons...1) I get emotional about leaving my students. I'm just not ready yet and I know I will be back before the school year is over, but I'm just not ready to give them to another teacher for a short period of time. 2) I like to keep busy. In general, I like to be on the go and always doing something. I don't sit still very well. And I need to. 3) I just worry. I worry about delivering early. So...I know resting is what's best.
So, as I rest, I 've got my most recent knitting project close by (baby's blanket), my electrolytes and water, a mound of papers to grade and input into the grade book and the TV remote with Grey's Anatomy ready to play at an instant.
It seems appropriate to be thankful for the situation I am in...thankful that I have a very caring doctor who has called me every other day to see how I am doing, thankful for a supportive staff that I work with, thankful for friends and family who keep checking in on me and most importantly, thankful for a loving husband and little boy who try to keep me off my feet as much as they can.
So, although my situation isn't ideal, for now this is what it must be. I will rest and enjoy this time to get caught up on a few classroom items and head back to work after Thanksgiving Break.
So, as I rest, I 've got my most recent knitting project close by (baby's blanket), my electrolytes and water, a mound of papers to grade and input into the grade book and the TV remote with Grey's Anatomy ready to play at an instant.
It seems appropriate to be thankful for the situation I am in...thankful that I have a very caring doctor who has called me every other day to see how I am doing, thankful for a supportive staff that I work with, thankful for friends and family who keep checking in on me and most importantly, thankful for a loving husband and little boy who try to keep me off my feet as much as they can.
So, although my situation isn't ideal, for now this is what it must be. I will rest and enjoy this time to get caught up on a few classroom items and head back to work after Thanksgiving Break.
Friday, August 22, 2014
Moms Like Us
A couple years ago a friend of mine created a private group on Facebook called Moms Like Us. What originally started as a group of new-blank-in-the-face-in-love-with-their-baby-moms who were all friends has turned into group of nearly 900 women who share and discuss a variety of topics. There are days that I get a good laugh, days that I think, "Really, you have to ask that question?" and then days that my heart aches for another mom (often someone whom I do not even know). Unfortunately, today is one of those days that I can't stop thinking of a mom in the group that miscarried at 10 weeks.
If you haven't been through a miscarriage then it is really difficult to explain the emotions and trauma that you go through. I can't even put it into words. My heartache especially hits close to home because I have had three miscarriages and being pregnant again this is something that is always, ALWAYS, in the back of my mind. The post from a saddened mom who lost her baby at 10 weeks is a reminder to me that I am not in control of my life....God is. There are unexplainable reasons why women have to go through this heartache and loss, but I am reassured by the fact that my God is a loving God. I choose to think that there are very good reasons for miscarriages and although I would like to know all the answers, this is one of many times that my question will remain unanswered until I am face to face with God.
For today, I am thankful that I have a happy, healthy family (thank you, God)---loving and supportive husband, funny and ornery 2 1/2 year old and a healthy little baby on the way. Praying for a saddened mom who lost her 10-week old baby.
If you haven't been through a miscarriage then it is really difficult to explain the emotions and trauma that you go through. I can't even put it into words. My heartache especially hits close to home because I have had three miscarriages and being pregnant again this is something that is always, ALWAYS, in the back of my mind. The post from a saddened mom who lost her baby at 10 weeks is a reminder to me that I am not in control of my life....God is. There are unexplainable reasons why women have to go through this heartache and loss, but I am reassured by the fact that my God is a loving God. I choose to think that there are very good reasons for miscarriages and although I would like to know all the answers, this is one of many times that my question will remain unanswered until I am face to face with God.
For today, I am thankful that I have a happy, healthy family (thank you, God)---loving and supportive husband, funny and ornery 2 1/2 year old and a healthy little baby on the way. Praying for a saddened mom who lost her 10-week old baby.
Friday, August 15, 2014
Second Look At Life
Throughout my life I have been exposed to a handful of deaths that have made an impact on me. In high school I had a classmate die in a car accident. With a class of 82, this kind of tragedy effects everyone in the community. In college I had a friend also die in a car accident. I was an RA with her and this greatly affected the residence hall community in which I was a part of, as she brought so much life and positive energy to everyone around her. I have miscarried a few times, which I think about daily...especially now that I am pregnant (16 weeks and going strong). Almost two years ago I had a student pass away unexpectedly. A day does not go by without me thinking of her.
When death occurs it seems as if those around make comments as "we take life for granted", or "life's too short", or "life is unfair". All these statements are true, but I think as time passes on we quickly forget about the importance of life and get caught up in our busy-hurried-hustle-and-bustle daily lives. I am guilty of this as well because it is so easy to do.
Chad, Will and I recently escaped death as we were in a severe car accident. There is no explanation as to why we are here except that God protected us. We walked away with minor cuts and bruises--Will completely unharmed. We are alive and I am in somewhat disbelief. There is no explanation, except for God. Up until our accident, I too had made comments as "taking life for granted", etc. Well, that's all changed. Since last Thursday, I have woken up every day (as tears stream down my face) thanking God for life, for keeping my family safe and protecting us through the crash.
Although I have been impacted by other deaths in my life, nothing has impacted me as much as mine and my families escape from death. It is true, we do take life for granted. Within seconds it can all be taken from us. But I question, how can I not take life for granted after time passes on? How can I remind myself daily that life is important and the "bumps" in the road of life, whatever they may be, aren't as trivial as they may seem? I have to slow down and take each day for what it is worth and continue to remind myself to slow down and tell those around me how important they are to me and how much I love them. We are alive, healthy and have each other...and God.
I love these two more than words can describe....
When death occurs it seems as if those around make comments as "we take life for granted", or "life's too short", or "life is unfair". All these statements are true, but I think as time passes on we quickly forget about the importance of life and get caught up in our busy-hurried-hustle-and-bustle daily lives. I am guilty of this as well because it is so easy to do.
Chad, Will and I recently escaped death as we were in a severe car accident. There is no explanation as to why we are here except that God protected us. We walked away with minor cuts and bruises--Will completely unharmed. We are alive and I am in somewhat disbelief. There is no explanation, except for God. Up until our accident, I too had made comments as "taking life for granted", etc. Well, that's all changed. Since last Thursday, I have woken up every day (as tears stream down my face) thanking God for life, for keeping my family safe and protecting us through the crash.
Although I have been impacted by other deaths in my life, nothing has impacted me as much as mine and my families escape from death. It is true, we do take life for granted. Within seconds it can all be taken from us. But I question, how can I not take life for granted after time passes on? How can I remind myself daily that life is important and the "bumps" in the road of life, whatever they may be, aren't as trivial as they may seem? I have to slow down and take each day for what it is worth and continue to remind myself to slow down and tell those around me how important they are to me and how much I love them. We are alive, healthy and have each other...and God.
I love these two more than words can describe....
Monday, September 9, 2013
Life Has Happened
It always amazes me how much time passes in between my blog posts. As I looked at my previous post I realized that I have not blogged since my sweet-little-student, Kelsey, passed away. Life has happened. It's been hard, rewarding, fun and full of love. My heart is happy.
Life has happened since January. Skipping to June, I sent my 5th graders off to the Middle School (thank God) and summer began. I kicked off my summer with running two half marathons and crossing the finish line to be greeted by my biggest fans, Chad and Will. I'm a lucky girl. I have the best husband and little boy that I could ever ask for.
The remainder of the summer we spent on the road. We started off with a trip to the cabin in Idaho for The Fourth. This has been a tradition of ours since Chad and I were dating. We hope to continue the tradition with our family. Our next trip was to Eugene where Will and I spent time with my grandparents and the Siglers. We were home for a day and then headed to Prosser to be with my parents for the weekend. Will loves playing in the sprinklers and picking through the garden with Granny and Papa. The following week we were back in Idaho for a continued tradition of camping on the river property. This year we had a great crowd and Will had his first float down the river. He loved it! On the road again the next weekend, we headed south to Mt. Rainier where we camped and hiked with my parents. It is official that Will loves to camp because he had an absolute blast getting dirty, exploring and just being a boy. The following weekend we were back in northern Idaho for a wedding at spent some time camping with the Madsens and Foys up at the Bear Paw. Those that get to experience the Bear Paw truly are a part of something special. This was our quickest trip to Idaho which made for a lot of driving and patience on all our parts. Will was a trooper. The final weekend of our travels for the summer was, you guessed it, back to Idaho to the cabin. It is always fun to be at the cabin when everyone is there. We were able to spend time with the Siglers and Randles which was a lot of fun. There are so many high-lights from this trip...Finishing a phase on the play house, jet skiing, swimming, boating, a salmon bake and just good quality time together. Life has definitely happened this summer...and a lot of miles were put on my poor, little car.
We are slowly starting to get back into the swing of things for the fall. I'm back to work next week and Will is going to be back in daycare full time. I am going to be teaching 3rd this year, which makes me nervous and excited...maybe anxious...as I have never taught this grade before so everything is going to be new. With a new principal, new team, new grade and new curriculum I shouldn't be too overwhelmed, right? (Pray for me, please).
So, here's to a fun summer and a fresh start to the fall. And a few cute pics of my boys.
Life has happened. Happy fall everyone.
Robin
Life has happened since January. Skipping to June, I sent my 5th graders off to the Middle School (thank God) and summer began. I kicked off my summer with running two half marathons and crossing the finish line to be greeted by my biggest fans, Chad and Will. I'm a lucky girl. I have the best husband and little boy that I could ever ask for.
The remainder of the summer we spent on the road. We started off with a trip to the cabin in Idaho for The Fourth. This has been a tradition of ours since Chad and I were dating. We hope to continue the tradition with our family. Our next trip was to Eugene where Will and I spent time with my grandparents and the Siglers. We were home for a day and then headed to Prosser to be with my parents for the weekend. Will loves playing in the sprinklers and picking through the garden with Granny and Papa. The following week we were back in Idaho for a continued tradition of camping on the river property. This year we had a great crowd and Will had his first float down the river. He loved it! On the road again the next weekend, we headed south to Mt. Rainier where we camped and hiked with my parents. It is official that Will loves to camp because he had an absolute blast getting dirty, exploring and just being a boy. The following weekend we were back in northern Idaho for a wedding at spent some time camping with the Madsens and Foys up at the Bear Paw. Those that get to experience the Bear Paw truly are a part of something special. This was our quickest trip to Idaho which made for a lot of driving and patience on all our parts. Will was a trooper. The final weekend of our travels for the summer was, you guessed it, back to Idaho to the cabin. It is always fun to be at the cabin when everyone is there. We were able to spend time with the Siglers and Randles which was a lot of fun. There are so many high-lights from this trip...Finishing a phase on the play house, jet skiing, swimming, boating, a salmon bake and just good quality time together. Life has definitely happened this summer...and a lot of miles were put on my poor, little car.
We are slowly starting to get back into the swing of things for the fall. I'm back to work next week and Will is going to be back in daycare full time. I am going to be teaching 3rd this year, which makes me nervous and excited...maybe anxious...as I have never taught this grade before so everything is going to be new. With a new principal, new team, new grade and new curriculum I shouldn't be too overwhelmed, right? (Pray for me, please).
So, here's to a fun summer and a fresh start to the fall. And a few cute pics of my boys.
Late June soak on the back deck.
Camping near Mt. Rainier.
Hiking near Mt. Rainier.
Taking it all in on Mt. Rainier.
Adventuring through his own trail.
Checking out the play house.
Learning to jump off the dock.
Lessons from "Bobpa" about the jet-ski.
Robin
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